Regrets
by SincerelyInDenial
Summary: Calleigh wonders what life would’ve been had she chosen the other man. Sequel to “Dark Twists of the Heart.” Spoilers: “Lost Son” [S.3.E.01], “Going Under” [S.5.E.02], “Going, Going, Gone” [S.5.E.09]


Title: Regrets

Author: Kasandra

Rating: T

Summary: Calleigh wonders what life would've been had she chosen the other man. Sequel to "Dark Twists of the Heart."

Spoilers: "Lost Son" S.3.E.01, "Going Under" S.5.E.02, "Going, Going, Gone" S.5.E.09.

AN: Dedicated to Deb, who deserves many special thanks for the idea and initial push for a sequel.

AN2: Depending on how many requests I'd get, I would definitely write another version with the roles reversed.

* * *

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Calleigh's husband replied, as he wrapped his lean arms around her waist in an attempt to snuggle closer.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Calleigh mumbled sleepily.

Her husband pressed a kiss on her shoulder blade and ran his hand up her thigh. "Think the kids are up yet?"

Calleigh squirmed, now wide awake and rolled onto her back. "Probably, but I think we've got a good fifteen minutes before they barge in with their gifts."

Her husband chuckled, "Trying to sell me short Cal? I might need more than fifteen minutes; is the door locked?"

* * *

To say that their living room looked as if a ticket tape parade had gone through it would've been an understatement. Her seven year old son, Riley was running a truck over his younger sister, Janet's Barbie doll, who was watching with terrified eyes.

"Mommy!" the four year old girl cried out. "Tell him to stop!"

Calleigh tried not to laugh, she was all used to this behavior – she did have three brothers after all. "Riley…" she warned.

Meanwhile her husband emerged from the kitchen carrying two piping mugs. He stepped carefully through the maze of toys and raised an eyebrow at Calleigh as he handed her a mug.

"Perhaps we should clear path, just to be safe," he replied taking a gulp of coffee. His face softened, as he watched her toy with the locket around her neck. "Is everything okay? Did you not like your Christmas gifts?"

"Oh, of course I did. I love the earrings especially!" Calleigh replied. "I can't believe you remembered after all those years."

He nodded, "You know I'd do anything for you for Calleigh."

"You're always so thoughtful Tim," Calleigh replied. "Don't pay any mind to me, I'm just thinking..." she trailed off.

"About?" Tim probed and she sighed in response. Calleigh knew he was only questioning in concern, but she was slightly irritated at the same time.

"Oh, just how I'm grateful that you're alive and that you're no longer undercover. It's hard to imagine how it's been over ten years since the truth has come out," she replied. It wasn't a total lie, but Calleigh couldn't but feel a twinge of guilt as she once again lost herself in the thoughts of what could've been had she not made certain choices. Her mind drifted to the day in which she sealed her fate.

"_Calleigh, don't lie to me, I see the way you look at Tim," Jake replied quietly. He held her hands and gently pulled her closer to him. _

_Calleigh didn't respond, instead she wiped her eyes on her the sleeve of her lab coat. _

_Jake pulled her chin towards him. "I love you." _

"_I know!" Calleigh exploded. "I love you too – and I love Tim. God damnit, this is so hard. I never thought I would've had to choose," she replied, her voice cracking. _

"_I'll make this easy for you then," Jake replied before leaning down to kiss her. Their lips tangled passionately, and Calleigh felt the fire within her grow stronger. He cupped her backside to raise her gently against his body and the locket around her neck pulled, slightly choking her. _

_As if suddenly reminded of the other man in her life, Calleigh jumped off Jake, Her face was flushed and her lips tingled. _

"_Choose me," Jake replied. "We have a history together. Besides," he added, "you know and I are good together babe." He sent her a heated look and Calleigh felt her insides quiver. _

_Calleigh opened her mouth, wanting to say yes – it seemed too easy, but she couldn't help but think of Tim who wasn't dead after all and was currently waiting in the break room to take her out to lunch in an attempt to catch up after so many years._

"_I… I can't," she found herself saying as if her mouth decided to talk on its own accord. "I'm sorry Jake. I just can't. I can't do that to him."_

_Her heart broke at Jake's hurt expression. "So you'll do it to me instead? Jeez, Cal!" he scoffed. Turning, he didn't bother to say goodbye. She had already done it for him._

"_Jake… Jake, please!" Calleigh begged but Jake continued walking, and he waved her off, leaving her to sob in the middle of the ballistics lab._

* * *

Calleigh snapped out of her daze as she heard Tim call her name sharply. "Huh?"

"Are you sure you're OK Cal?" Tim questioned. "I've been calling your name for the past five minutes."

"I-I'm fine," Calleigh stammered. "What is it that you need Tim?"

"I'm going to the grocery store. Do you need anything?" Tim replied, shrugging his jacket on.

"No, I'm good. Thanks hun," Calleigh replied, plastering a smile on her face. She walked over and gave Tim a light kiss, hoping that would be sufficient to ease the worry written on his face. "Be careful."

"Always," Tim promised. "I shouldn't be too long anyway."

Calleigh nodded and sighed against the door frame watching him pull out of the driveway. She gave him a small wave before closing the door and turned her attention to her kids who had moved from the tree to the sofa, engrossed in the cartoon they were watching.

"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," Calleigh called out picking up the now empty mugs of coffee and gently kicked freshly unwrapped toys out of her way so she could move through. They didn't respond and she wondered if they had even heard her.

Calleigh began to work on the pile of dishes in the sink, and her mind began to drift off once more, imagining what life would've been like had she chosen Jake that day in the ballistics lab.

* * *

"_Merry Christmas babe," Jake replied, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Rumor has it that you've been a very good girl this year, but I might have to disagree with the general consensus."_

_He pressed a kiss on the nape of her neck and Calleigh shivered under his touch. She turned her face to look up at him and she smiled. "I'm always good," she replied, eyes twinkling._

"_Not last night you weren't," Jake teased, turning her fully to face him. He threaded his hands through her long blonde hair and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back thoroughly. He began to nibble on her lower lip and she moaned. _

"_You're so sexy, do you know that?" Jake murmured as he moved to press kisses against the hollow of her neck. He paused briefly, and he smirked. "Of course you do; you're with me after all."_

_Calleigh let out a laugh and playfully hit his arm. "You can be so endearing and charming one minute and such an ass the next Jake Berkeley. You should be damned lucky that I married you."_

_Jake looked at her once more, his expression serious. "Believe me, I know that." He kissed her once more, this time lightly on the lips. "Come on," he tugged on her hands and jerked his head upwards, his eyes gleaming._

_Calleigh giggled. "Are you ever satiated?"_

"_Never with you babe. Come on let's go make a Christmas baby," Jake replied with a wink and she squealed as he picked her up. _

_Not too long after, he laid her down and carefully crawled on top of her. They kissed again, and he groaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped them over so she was on top._

"_I thought you liked it when I was on top," Jake commented teasingly once more._

"_I do, but I like to take charge, you know that," she teased leaning down on to his chest so she was face to face with him. _

_His face turned serious once more, and he palmed her arms. "Thank you."_

"_For what?" Calleigh questioned, her bright eyes searching his, and she found herself getting lost in them._

"_For picking me. I know it wasn't an easy decision but I just want you to know that I am incredibly happy. I love you so much Calleigh."_

_Calleigh moved off him, so she could lie next to him. "It wasn't an easy decision," she admitted. "But it was the right one. I loved Tim but I'm in love with you, Jake."_

* * *

Calleigh snapped out of her daze as she heard Tim enter the house, slamming the front door, never mind the squeals of 'daddy' echoed throughout.

"Where's mommy?" she heard Tim question and she heard Riley reply that answer that she was in the kitchen. It wasn't too long after that he did, Janet in his arms, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck.

"Hey," she greeted softly. "Get everything you needed?"

"Yeah, though the clerk was a real asshole," Tim grunted.

"Ooh, you said a bad word!" Janet replied, frowning.

Tim looked at her and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. "You didn't hear anything," he replied, tickling her. "Sorry," he mouthed sheepishly at Calleigh who smiled in return.

"No worries," Calleigh replied palms up. "It's Christmas, all is forgiven."

Tim winked at her. "I'll make it up to you."

"Can't wait," she winked back. "Alright, I'm going to finish drying these dishes and then we'll get ready to visit grandma and grandpa. Tim would you mind help clearing up the living room? I'd appreciate it."

Tim nodded, "Come on munchkin; help daddy."

With that said, he turned on his heels back into the living room. Calleigh watched him go with a heavy heart as her mind drifted back once more to Jake. Sure he was more of a loose cannon, but when she was with him, she was different - she was an unbridled free spirit, who didn't have a care in the world. The passion that they had would shake her to the core. Jake made her feel things she never did before.

She knew she shouldn't be selfish – she did indeed love Tim. He was an incredible man, even more so as a husband and a father. With Tim, things were safe; he was safe. Some may have called her feelings regret, but she couldn't help but wistfully wonder what life would've been like had she made a different choice.

Calleigh began to wonder of Jake's whereabouts and if he was happy. "I'm sorry Jake. Merry Christmas," she whispered and she dropped the dish rag on to the table, and headed back into the living room to her family.

**FIN.**


End file.
